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and I'm not talking about sugar-free carbonated soft drinks.
We live in a fluff-free era—people know what they want and aren't afraid to express their opinion in ALL CAPS, followed by a series of passive-aggressive emojis. In hopes of answering your burning questions, here are 13 dating apps ranked (lovingly and subjectively) on how likely you are to end up takin' old one-eye to the optometrist.
They engage in hot, sweaty, intellectual conversations about Proust.
Do you know where Marcel friggin' Proust is Some people stick to their guns when they say they don't care about looks—and bless their hearts.
For girls: With Ok Cupid you pretty much have two options: Fedora Guy or sexual predator.
In the case of the latter, see the above section pertaining to Tinder.
However, you will be getting LAID EVERY SINGLE NIGHT (of the first Monday of the month when it's convenient) when you're married. Like Beanie Babies were supposed to do in the 21st century, Hot or Not made a legit comeback with its app. In the spirit of love, harmony, and unbridled passion, 3nder brings people together for the sole purpose of participating in a threesome. Burns is told that he has literally every disease in the world, but they've all balanced themselves out within his body and are keeping him alive. At first, yes—now people Tinder at work, in meetings, maybe during lunch, and DEFINITELY during Bar Mitzvahs.
Hinge also adds an air of exclusivity by only presenting you with five matches to evaluate per day.
The goal is to make meeting up less awkward and provide potential couples with a starting point for getting to know each other.
It's a no-nonsense approach to dating apps with its "I'm here to f*ck" mentality," but when you see that most of the users may/may not (but definitely are) legit prostitutes, the fun is lost. Let's face it, after Tinder took off, the appeal of Ok Cupid started to wane—much like the flaccid penises who were getting ignored by the instant gratification swipe of Tinder.
Unless you like prostitutes—I mean, that's guaranteed sex right there. Ok Cupid became less of a hookup app and more of a—ew—relationship app.